


Mated for Life

by Neilikka



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Accidental Bonding, Alternate Universe - No Voldemort, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M, Misunderstandings, POV Alternating, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Sirius Black Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:14:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 14,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26794954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neilikka/pseuds/Neilikka
Summary: Remus and Sirius wake up together after a night of drinking. As everyone knows, werewolves mate for life.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 17
Kudos: 72





	1. Remus

**Author's Note:**

> There is implied underage sex and drinking and concern of dubious consent due to intoxication.

Why was the Sun so bright it hurt even when his eyes were closed. Why did his mouth feel like he had been licking Mrs. Norris. And why on Earth were the goblins digging a new Gringotts vault in his head. Obviously it was all due James trying to murder him with firewhisky last night. James' clever ruse to pretend he wanted to celebrate the beginning of their final year at Hogwarts, when clearly it was meant to bring him to his early demise. Remus was never ever ever going to drink again. Nor was he ever going to listen to any one of his stupid friends or their stupid plans.

Remus was so focused on the pain his head was in, that he didn't first notice everything else that was wrong with his current circumstances. Like the fact he was naked. Like the arm around him. Like the very warm, very naked body flush against him. Like hard something pressed against his... back.

Holy shit, there is a naked guy in my bed, his brain offered just as a very familiar voice mumbled against his neck: "Could you stop thinking so loudly, Remus. It is way too early to be awake."

"Sirius!" Remus hissed while scrambling out of the bed and grabbing something to cover his nakedness. "Why are you naked in my bed?"

"My memories of last night are a bit hazy, but I'm sure it's fine," Sirius started calmly, but suddenly seemed to realize what was happening and got straight to the point Remus' hung-over brain was just starting to aim. "Fuck! You don't think we... shagged?"

"I don't know. I can't remember anything beyond James suggesting we play truth or dare," Remus mumbled while trying to dig his brain for any other clues what might have happened.

"I think someone dared me to kiss you, but that was in the common room. How did we end up in bed?"

They had a moments warning of loud steps running up the stairs, before James and Peter rushed into the dorm.

"Good, you're up. Get dressed and come have lunch with us. We'll wait in the common room," James said, then looked them in a weird way before pulling Peter back to the stairs and disappearing.

"Did you see that look? It must mean that something happened. And James knows! Merlinspantswetotallyhadsexwiththemintheroom!" Sirius panicked.

So he didn't remember his first time. No big deal.

"Calm down! I think we should just pretend nothing happened and never drink firewhisky again. And now we should go down, before they come back," Remus said, took some clothes from his trunk and tried to flee to the bathroom. Just when he was reaching the door, small voice said: "Are we mates now?"

"Of course we are. We have been mates since we were eleven. No drunken mistake can change that." He almost added they had been through worse, but reminding Sirius of the Snape-incident seemed like a bad idea.

"I didn't mean mates-mates. I meant _mates_ as in werewolves mate for life," Sirius replied sounding almost hurt, but Remus focused on what was said instead of how.

"Let's just go to lunch and talk about this later," Remus said and closed the bathroom door though the huge lump of guilt would make sure he never ate again. His drunken mistake had tied his straight best friend to a male werewolf for the rest of their lives. How was he going to make it up to Sirius.


	2. Sirius

Never in his life had he felt so comfortable waking up. Sure he was a bit hung-over and couldn't remember how he got there, but the small, warm body on his arms felt like his missing piece finally found and the soft, curly hair on his face smelt better than anything he had come across as a dog or a boy.

Sirius never wanted to leave the soft cocoon, but he felt Remus starting to panic. After being friends for six years, he could almost hear Remus' thoughts running wild into the worst conclusion.

"Could you stop thinking so loudly, Remus. It is way too early to be awake," he said hoping Remus would calm down and they could sleep for a bit more.

Apparently not, since Remus jumped out of the bed and sputtered: "Sirius! Why are you naked in my bed?"

"My memories of last night are a bit hazy, but I'm sure it's fine," he replied before he started to wonder why Remus was so upset. They had shared a bed many times and he helped naked Remus always after his transformations. "Fuck! You don't think we... shagged?" That would absolutely have Remus panicking. He was pretty sure Remus was still a virgin. And straight.

"I don't know. I can't remember anything beyond James suggesting we play truth or dare," Remus said absentmindedly and Sirius remembered him looking very upset about the idea and drinking firewhisky straight from the bottle. That would explain the black-out.

"I think someone dared me to kiss you, but that was in the common room," Sirius suddenly remembered the sweetest kiss that suddenly filled all his thoughts. "How did we end up in bed?"

Sudden noises from the stairs pulled him back from his memories and he just had time to loose the soppy expression, before James and Peter stormed into the room and James said: "Good, you're up. Get dressed and come have lunch with us. We'll wait in the common room."

James' knowing look before he pulled Peter back towards the common room, had Sirius' brain short circuit. "Did you see that look? It must mean that something happened. And James knows! Merlinspantswetotallyhadsexwiththemintheroom!"

He couldn't believe he had got so drunk that he shagged Remus in front of their dorm-mates. James would never let him forget it. And poor Remus was so upset. His werewolf friend had it too hard even without drunken Sirius taking advantage of him. He didn't even hear what Remus said on his way to the bathroom, since his brain had combined words _mate_ and _werewolf_ into werewolves mate for life. It would upset Remus even more, but he had to ask: "Are we mates now?"

"Of course we are. We have been mates since we were eleven. No drunken mistake can change that." So Remus thought that whatever happened, was a mistake.

"I didn't mean mates-mates. I meant _mates_ as in werewolves mate for life," Sirius explained, feeling slightly rejected.

Remus' face fell and Sirius had never seen him so somber. "Let's just go to lunch and talk about this later," Remus said and disappeared into the bathroom. 

Fuck.

***

He decided to just wait for Remus to be ready to talk to him. After lunch they went to the lake to enjoy the last warm days of summer. Luckily James was too preoccupied by Lily Evans, who was sitting nearby with her friends, so no-one brought up what happened last night.

Sirius tried to observe Remus without anyone noticing. At least he seemed to have calmed down from the morning, but he didn't touch Sirius even once during the day and barely even looked at him. At dinner they sat next to each other as always. When Remus accidentally bumped his elbow, Sirius could feel an uttermost rightness filling him. At that moment the mating bond seemed the best thing ever. When Remus flinched away from him, he thought it must feel different for the werewolf.

When they got back to the common room, Remus asked James to borrow his cloak. Fortunately Sirius knew exactly what he wanted.


	3. Remus

He tried to act normal the entire day, but it was difficult. All he wanted to do, was touch Sirius, but he didn't want to make the situation more awkward than it already was. He would have liked to to go to the library and research werewolf mating habits, but he couldn't make an excuse, since they didn't have any homework yet and he didn't want to alert James and Peter that something was off.

During dinner he accidentally touched Sirius and the sensation was so strong, he had to distance himself, before snogging his friend senseless in the middle of the Great Hall. He had to talk to Sirius before he did something that would ruin their friendship. If that hadn't already happened.

After dinner, he asked James for his invisibility cloak. Luckily Sirius was ready to follow him without asking. He seemed to have lost his vocal chords. It wasn't curfew yet, but he wanted to go to the shack where no-one could hear them.

Walking under the cloak with Sirius made it almost impossible not to touch each other, so he kept stealing brushes until Sirius grasped his hand. At least Sirius wasn't completely repulsed by him.

They walked silently hand in hand until they reached the shack. Remus pulled Sirius to sit on the bed with him, since it was the only piece of furniture intact enough, to carry their weight. They sat there in awkward silence for a while. That made Remus sad, since they never were awkward with each other before.

"I can't really say I was that interested in mating habits, when I read all the werewolf books on our first year, but I can't recall them having a lot of information about it. There must be a way to break the bond, so I'll start research as soon as I have an excuse to go to the library. I don't think we should tell anyone yet, since it might stigmatize you even after we can break it. I don't think headmaster Dumbledore or madam Pomfrey will tell anyone, but I'd rather not explain this to them.

"I never meant any of this to happen and obviously wouldn't have ever drunk that much, if I knew I was capable of doing this to you. I am so, so sorry. I hope that someday you can forgive me and we can stay friends. If not, I'll just stay away and try to make it as easy as possible for you three. No reason for you to lose James and Pete for my mistake. I'll..."

"Remus, please stop!" Sirius cut in. He hadn't said everything he planned, but if Sirius didn't want to hear his lame excuses, he wouldn't push. He took a deep breath bracing himself for Sirius' decision and hoping he wasn't going to lose all his friends. Finally he turned to look Sirius in the eyes and nodded.

"Please stop blaming yourself. I don't know what happened any more than you do, but I'm sure you didn't force me into anything and not for one second would I believe you capable of that. We were both wasted, but at least I can remember us kissing last night and enjoying it," Sirius said blushing a little when he mentioned the kiss. Remus could hardly believe his ears. Sirius wasn't blaming him, he wouldn't lose his friends, they had kissed and Sirius had liked it. He wished he could remember it. Remus felt he could breathe properly for the first time since that morning.

"I know we didn't plan this," Sirius continued, "but I can imagine worse things than being bonded to my best friend. Of course we should investigate this mating thing as thoroughly as possible, but maybe we don't have to break it immediately. Maybe we could be together?"

Remus couldn't speak. Sirius wanted to be with him. Like boyfriends? Sirius liked to kiss him and wanted to be with him. Together. Sirius wanted to be together with him. Sirius didn't think the bond was bad and still considered him as a best friend and liked kissing him and wanted to be together. Sirius was speaking and Remus didn't hear a word. His friend was looking at him expectantly, but suddenly he could only think that they were completely alone in the shack and he was sitting on a bed with Sirius who liked kissing him and wanted to be together with him. He had to say something, since Sirius started to look worried.

"I don't think I can have sex with you right now. I know we have technically done it, but I'm not ready. I can't even remember ever kissing anyone," Remus blurted. Why did he have to say that. He could feel his cheeks burning and Sirius looked confused.

"Oh. I didn't mean that. Or maybe later, but not now. I meant we could hold hands, cuddle, maybe kiss if you want to," Sirius said, blushing. He had never looked more beautiful.

"I would love that. Maybe we could kiss right now, since unfortunately I can't recall our first kiss," he said shyly, but didn't have a lot of time to feel embarrassed before Sirius was kissing him.

Sirius cupped his cheek and threaded his fingers into Remus' hair. Remus had his hands around Sirius' waist and nothing had ever felt so perfect.


	4. Sirius

He hoped, by holding Remus' hand, to convince they were in this together. He had decided to let Remus speak first, but things that came out of the other boy's mouth were quite upsetting. He knew Remus had a habit of carrying all of the world's problems on his narrow shoulders, but when Remus started to plan distancing himself from the marauders, Sirius couldn't take it anymore. "Remus, please stop!"

Remus looked like he needed a moment to collect himself, so Sirius waited until a small nod. He was nervous, but wanted to ease his friend's guilt over something they both did. He hadn't meant to bring up the kiss so early, but Remus didn't look upset about it, so he kept going. When he asked if they could be together, Remus got his too-many-thoughts-face so Sirius had to say something. "Or not. Maybe you are not even interested in guys. I never thought about it, but being with you feels so right, I wanted to give us a chance. If you don't want to, we can just stay friends. No pressure. Please say something."

He started to freak out when Remus just stared at him, then the bed and him again with eyes as wide as house-elf's. Maybe he had completely misunderstood the situation and Remus felt disgusted by his advances.

"I don't think I can have sex with you right now. I know we have technically done it, but I'm not ready. I can't even remember ever kissing anyone," Remus stumbled and Sirius wondered how Remus got to that conclusion. Then Remus looked at the bed they were sitting on again and Sirius understood. He was actually quite glad Remus thought so. He had been behind the greenhouses with Sophia Shacklebolt last year, but he tried not to think about that at all. And he had never thought how it was supposed to work with another boy. Apparently drunken Sirius or Remus was more knowledgeable. Now he didn't have to sound like a thirteen-year-old girl and ask for them to take it slow. Not that he thought Remus was a girl. Remus was brave and beautiful and smart and perfect and waiting for his reply while he was thinking of thirteen-year-old girls.

"Oh. I didn't mean that. Or maybe later, but not now. I meant we could hold hands, cuddle, maybe kiss if you want to." He wasn't just thinking of thirteen-year-old girls, he had become one. By Remus' relieved smile, he decided that thirteen-year-old girls were geniuses when it came to romance. In Hogwarts express, he wouldn't have believed that in two days Remus would be sitting in front of him, asking to be kissed.

He loved Remus' soft curly hair and now he was allowed to entwine his fingers in it while kissing Remus' perfectly soft lips. Perhaps it was the bond, but it felt endlessly better than anything he did with Sophia.

They kept kissing and cuddling for well beyond midnight. When they started to doze off, they took the invisibility cloak and walked back to the Gryffindor tower holding hands.

***

They had decided to keep it a secret for a while. It wasn't exactly forbidden amongst wizards, but there weren't any openly gay students and they didn't want to draw attention on them. Disinherited or not, Sirius' family would definitely have something to say about him dating a half-blood, male Gryffindor and he didn't want them anywhere near Remus. It just felt too new and delicate to expose to other people.

That didn't stop them from walking hand in hand in empty corridors, sitting a bit too closely at meals and in the common room, stealing kisses when left alone in the dormitory or having hands on each others knees under the library table, while doing homework or researching werewolf mating habits. He sometimes thought James was suspecting something and felt a little guilty of not telling him, since he usually told James everything. It was for Remus though and he was now more important being his boyfriend and mate.

Their extensive research came out pretty disappointing. Most of the werewolf books were filled with prejudiced nonsense that wasn't accurate on the areas they already had experience in. There were some mentions of werewolves mating each other, but relationships between werewolves and humans were only mentioned as disgusting affairs where a poor witch or wizard was seduced by an evil beast and turned into a monster.

He could se how hard it was for Remus, so they left the werewolf books and started to read about other magical bonds in case something sounded familiar. That didn't help either. They didn't have telepathic connection other than knowing each other for years. They couldn't sense the others feelings except reading it on the other's familiar face. They didn't feel in pain when spending time apart, although Sirius was always a little restless when Remus was away. Honestly the only thing that seemed to have changed between them, was the fact that they couldn't keep their hands off of each other and even smallest brushes had Sirius feeling whole and grounded. He absolutely could live with that for the rest of their lives.

They were a little worried how the mating would affect the wolf and how Moony would react to Padfoot on the next full moon. But before that, there was another more pressing matter. The first Hogsmeade visit was on Saturday, three days before the full. Evans had finally agreed on a date with James and Peter had landed a detention after failing to write tree consecutive charms essays. Sirius knew he was going with Remus as always, when the other two were otherwise occupied, but he wanted to ask him properly on a date. Even though they were best friends and boyfriends and mates and already going together, he was pretty nervous one night in an empty corridor on their way back from the library, before pulling Remus into an alcove and asking: "Would you go to Hogsmeade with me? On a date?"

Remus' face lit up and he pulled Sirius into a tight hug whispering a yes into his ear.


	5. Remus

He hated reading any literature on werewolves. It made him feel dirty and disgusting. If he had to read one more story of an innocent witch that was lured into her doom by a treacherous werewolf, he would pack his bags and move somewhere far away from other people.

Suddenly Sirius took his hand under the table and said: "This is all rubbish. I don't think we will learn anything useful by reading bigoted lies. Maybe we should read about other magical bonds?"

Remus was so grateful, he wanted to kiss Sirius, but instead he just squeezed his hand and rushed to put the offending books back on the shelves.

Being with Sirius truly made him happier than anything before. Sirius didn't only fully accept him after finding out he was a werewolf, but learned to turn into a dog to keep him company during his transformations. Now they were boyfriends and Sirius wasn't even slightly mad about the mating. Having Sirius Black as his dormmate was probably the best thing that ever happened to him. He wanted to tell everyone how happy he was with Sirius and how much he lov... liked him, but it was better to keep it just between them. No reason for Sirius to be associated with a gay werewolf, if this thing they had, didn't work out. Wizarding world was a cruel place and no-one knew that better than Remus. Also he wouldn't get anything done if he was allowed to kiss Sirius in public.

"How do you reckon Moony will behave now that we are mates? Since nothing much has changed in our human connection, maybe it only affects the wolf?" Sirius asked one night they were alone in the dormitory.

"No idea," Remus shrugged. "Perhaps you should sit this one out if it's dangerous."

"No way! Moony would feel abandoned by his pack. Why would he attack his mate? Maybe we should ask James and Peter to keep their distance in case Moony is feeling protective," Sirius said. Remus hadn't thought he would agree and was quite pleased about it. Maybe the wolf would be more gentle now they had a mate.

"Prongs and Wormtail always keep their distance. Only Padfoot is insane enough to come close to Moony. I think you should tell them, though, what's going on, if Moony's behavior raises any questions."

"I guess we would be the first couple accidentally outed by a wolf," Sirius grinned and they fell on his bed laughing which quickly turned into snogging.

***

Remus had thought to skip the first Hogsmeade weekend of the year, since it was only three days before the full and he would feel tired. He also needed to do extra homework before missing class. Then Lily agreed to go with James and he knew Sirius wouldn't want to go alone with Pete. Then Peter got detention which made him feel bad, because he had spent so much time researching mating and bonding with Sirius, he hadn't had time to help Peter with his homework.

Remus had never felt nervous about spending time alone with Sirius, but now he was. He worried if they would go together just the two of them. Would it be like a date or a normal friends thing. What would they even do on a date. They couldn't go to Madam Puddifoot's where all the other couples went, since they were dating in secret. Not that he wanted to go there. It was awfully pink and frilly and the sweet perfumes would hurt his nose so close to the full. Maybe it would be better to just stay in the castle. Sirius was really popular, he could go with someone else. He got asked out by girls all the time. To everyone's knowledge Sirius was single and could go to a date with a girl. Since Sirius was probably straight, he might want to keep dating girls even though they were together or something. Maybe Sirius only kept touching him because the bond made it feel so good. He kept referring to Remus as his mate, but had he ever mentioned them being actual boyfriends. He couldn't remember. What if he had misunderstood everything and would end up alone and heartbr...

His frantic thoughts were cut short by Sirius pulling him into an alcove and asking: "Would you go to Hogsmeade with me? On a date?"

He was going on his first date ever with Sirius.

***

The day of the Hogsmeade visit was bright and sunny. The common room and the Great Hall were really noisy, since everyone was excited of the beautiful Saturday and going out. James was ecstatic about his date with Lily and noisier than anyone else. Though his anticipation was more of the quiet sort, Remus couldn't wait to find out what Sirius had planned for them. Sirius had insisted that he would be planning and paying the entire date, since he had invited Remus and if Remus had a problem with that, he should ask Sirius the next time.

They couldn't hold hands on their way there, because there were too many others around, but they walked so close their hands were brushing. When they got to the village, Sirius excitedly grabbed his hand and pulled him to their first stop. He didn't let go when they reached the deserted little bookshop. Sirius wanted to buy his favorite book for himself and Remus really tried to choose one. They left with five books for Sirius and a first edition copy of a well known fairytale book for Remus. His heart leaped when Sirius wanted to share his fondest childhood memory with him.

"I think these should be enough even for you until the next Hogsmeade weekend," Sirius said, bringing him a huge box of assorted Honeyduke's chocolates.

"No you can't buy those for me. It's too expensive!"

"What else is one supposed to do with one's inheritance than spoil one's mate...s?" Sirius corrected himself on Remus' warning glance. "We should buy some ice mice for Pete since he is missing out."

"Pete doesn't like ice mice. Be nice and buy him licorice wands," Remus sighed.

Next they headed to the Three Broomsticks for butterbeer. Sirius went to order (Madam Rosmerta's daughter had a soft spot for him and he more often than not managed to flirt free drinks), and Remus secured them a corner table out of everyone's view. Butterbeer had never tased quite as good as now he was alone with Sirius, their knees touching under the table.

"We should head back," Sirius said after a couple of hours chatting and sipping their drinks.

"Already? What about Zonko's?" he asked, surprised.

"That's my favorite. Today was for you. You should rest since you are going to spend tomorrow helping Peter with his homework."

"We haven't planned anything, but I am. He shouldn't have gotten detention just because I was too busy to help him."

The road to Hogwarts was empty, since it was pretty early. Perfect ending to a perfect date to be able to walk back hand in hand.

Back in Gryffindor tower, they set an alarming charm on the stairs to let them know when James or Peter would be back and cuddled together on Remus' bed.


	6. Sirius

He had planned their date carefully. He knew the small second-hand bookshop was Remus' favorite place in Hogsmeade. He knew Remus could probably live only on chocolate, so they should go to Honeyduke's. He was absolutely delighted to go on a date with someone who wouldn't want to go to Madam Puddifoot's. He had spent way too many days trying to entertain some girl while sipping bad coffee and eating average pastries. He would take Remus to the Three Broomsticks and he would pay for their drinks instead of flirting with the barmaid in the middle of their date. They should return to the castle early, because Remus would be tired so close to the full. He would have suggested they would stay back and rest in the empty dormitory, had he not been so excited about the date.

Everything was going as planned. Remus had his concentrated-book-choosing-face on when he tried to choose his favorite book. Sirius knew there was never going to be just one and was quite impressed, when he only had a pile of five books, when they left. He had bought Remus a small book of wizarding fairytales that Kreacher had read to Regulus while Sirius was eavesdropping. Those were his fondest childhood memories. Of course Walburga had found out and destroyed the book. Remus wasn't familiar with the stories, since his mother read him muggle fairytales.

In Honeyduke's he distracted Remus by pretending to buy Peter ice mice and managed to gift him their largest selection of chocolates. Of course he knew Peter found mouse shaped sweets offending.

"Two butterbeers, please," he ordered from the barmaid in Three Broomsticks.

"What? No compliments, this date must be special. Never stopped your flirting before," the barmaid pretended to be shocked.

"Dates always happen in Madam Puddifoot's," Sirius tried to distract her.

"That dreadful place? This one must be a keeper," the barmaid winked at him.

"Hasn't been on a broom since first year," Sirius replied hoping the conversation was over. He planned to focus on Remus and the maid was ruining it.

"Two butterbeers, on the house," she said smiling and put two pints on the counter.

Sirius put the coins on the counter anyway and took the drinks to their table. He wondered what ever made him think those kind of conversations worthwhile while listening to Remus tell a funny anecdote about arguing with his arithmancy teacher when he found a mistake in the textbook. Remus was so smart and passionate about learning. With his extensive tutoring experience of the other students, he would make an amazing teacher if they saw past his furry little problem. Sirius was pretty sure they would never even bother to look.

He had been to many first dates and never had he felt so comfortable with any girl. It was perfect combination of new possibilities and old friends who knew everything about you. When Remus started to look tired, he took Remus back to the castle to rest. Of course Remus would spend Sunday helping Peter no matter how exhausted he was. Sometimes he felt that Remus put more effort on Peter's homework than Peter himself. Another advantage of early departure was the deserted road back to Hogwarts.

Back in their dormitory, Sirius sat on Remus' bed with one of his new books and Remus curled on his side falling asleep immediately. He absentmindedly petted Remus' hair while reading. When Peter came back from his detention, he didn't bother to move, just shushed Peter so Remus could continue sleeping. It wasn't the first time the had napped together.

***

Full moon was on Tuesday. Remus was tired and agitated so Sirius tried to keep close and ground him by keeping contact all the time. After the last lesson, he walked Remus to the Hospital Wing. He gave Remus a comforting hug and a quick kiss before sharply separating, when madam Pomfrey walked into the room.

"Oh, here you are Mr. Lupin. I have your supper waiting for you. Mr. Black, please leave now. You may visit tomorrow after classes," she said with a knowing smile.

Since she had already seen them, he risked another hug before leaving the Hospital Wing.

After early dinner in the kitchen, he went outside with James and Peter under the cloak and they waited for madam Pomfrey to escort Remus to the shack and then leave. Then Wormtail froze the Willow and they started the crawl towards the shack.

Remus was already waiting naked under a blanket.

"Please change. We don't have much time," Remus said nervously, looking pale and scared.

They turned into Padfoot, Prongs and Wormtail and walked behind a corner. Remus never wanted them to see his transformation and hearing him scream was enough to freeze Sirius' blood.

After what felt like hours, the screaming and howling stopped. Padfoot carefully started to approach Moony. Usually the wolf wanted to show his dominance over Padfoot and kind of ignored the other animals, unless Prongs was needed to restrain him on their runs in the forest. They had invented a locking mechanism to the hatch that could only be opened and closed by an exceptionally clever rat.

When Padfoot came around the corner, Moony was laying on the floor, liking his lips and wagging his tail playfully. This was a first. It didn't seem threatening so he slowly walked closer. He could feel Prongs and Wormtail watching them. Moony was kind of whimpering then. When Padfoot was close enough, Moony started to lick his snout and rolled on his back exposing his vulnerable throat. This was how Padfoot usually showed his submission, so he decided to try Moony's normal action and cautiously put his teeth around Moony's throat. Moony was whining and wagging his tail excitedly so Padfoot started to nuzzle and lick all over the wolf.

Moony didn't seem interested on the hatch that led outside, so Sirius decided to try something. He jumped on the bed and laid down. Moony looked him for a moment then growled at Prongs, who was still standing in the doorway and jumped on the bed next to Padfoot. Moony curled down by his side and soon fell asleep. Guess Moony doesn't want to run tonight, Sirius thought and relaxed next to the other canine.

He woke up next to Remus to James shaking him. He stretched lazily and transformed.

"Come on. Madam Pomfrey will be here soon. Let's go!" James hissed at him.

They didn't have time for exiting the shack, so they just hid under the invisibility cloak. They watched as madam Pomfrey examined Remus and Sirius was relieved that there were no visible injuries. She woke Remus up, helped him into his robe and they left to the castle. Wormtail slipped from under the cloak and started to follow them, but James seemed to be in no hurry.

"Care to explain what exactly is going on between you and Remus?"


	7. Remus

On the day of the full moon, he was weary and anxious, but not as badly as usual. Sirius kept touching him all the time which helped him concentrate on the lessons. The moon was going to rise early today, so he was supposed to eat at the Hospital Wing. He didn't mind madam Pomfrey walking in on their kiss, since she already knew most of his secrets and was almost as close to him as his parents. The school nurse had always treated him with tenderness and respect despite his condition.

Although the day had been easier than usually, he knew nothing would save him from the agonising pain of the transformation and despite the fact that he had done it more times than he cared to count, he was terrified. He kept wishing his transformation was as easy as his friend's to their animagus forms. He didn't know if his transformations looked as bad as they felt, because he never let his friends to watch.

He asked his friends to change and watched as they walked behind the corner. When he started to feel the moon pulling the wolf out, he soon lost the fight against screaming his lungs out.

***

Remus woke up on the bed. That wasn't unusual as his friends often took him there after he transformed back. However, he felt like he had fallen asleep in the middle of his transformation and woke up just now in his human form. That was absolutely unheard of. He wasn't exhausted, he didn't remember the painful transformation back to human and he couldn't feel any injuries which madam Pomfrey soon confirmed. Not once in eleven years of transformations had he felt fine in the next morning.

He followed madam Pomfrey out of the shack completely puzzled. Could the mating really make things this much easier. He really needed to discuss about last night with his friends. He wondered if James and Peter had noticed anything different.

"I feel fine this morning. Could I go to my lessons today?" he asked when they were back at the Hospital Wing.

Madam Pomfrey looked suspicious when she replied: "You have a couple of hours before lessons start. Just rest until then and if you still feel fine, you may go. Here is some breakfast, if you feel like eating." She hesitated for a moment and continued: "I'm glad you seem to be happy with Mr. Black."

"Actually I meant to ask something about that," he replied feeling blood rush to his cheeks. "We sort of accidentally mated. Sirius has been wonderful about it and my transformation has never been this easy, but I was wondering if there is any way to break it?"

"What do you mean?" she asked, looking confused.

"Um. We kind of, you know, drank a bit of firewhisky and were, um, you know... um, intimate without meaning to be mated for life. We tried to do some research about what was going on and how we could reverse it, but the library couldn't tell anything useful. Maybe you know something more? Sirius might not want to stay with me forever," he explained, mortification making his whole body tingle. He almost decided to leave Hogwarts immediately to cut this conversation short and never having to see madam Pomfrey again.

"Oh my dear boy. There are some cases where the human finding a partner has calmed the wolf a bit, but the 'werewolves mate for life' is not true."

"But it has to be! Being with Sirius feels so right and whenever he touches me, I feel warm and safe and happy. And today I have no injuries and I feel like I just slept trough the night and my transformation back." The unexpected information had him forget his embarrassment.

"Sounds to me that you are suffering of a classic case of first love. I suggest you enjoy it. Although if your relationship is the intimate kind, you should ask me if you have any questions. I know many wizards lack the necessary information," she said smiling and Remus' embarrassment flooded right back.

"Thanks, but I'm good. My dad explained everything and we are taking it slow anyways," Remus said really hoping his hospital bed would swallow him. How was he going to tell Sirius he had told madam Pomfrey they shagged while wasted.

Oh fuck, Sirius. How was he going to tell Sirius they weren't mated. How was he going to tell Sirius they had fooled themselves to think there was some kind of magical bond between them and spent almost a month kissing and touching each other for no reason. But could he actually be in love with Sirius like madam Pomfrey seemed to think. He had known for a while he was interested in boys and Sirius obviously was the most attractive boy he had ever met and his best friend, but how could he be in love with him. Shouldn't he have noticed if he was in love with or even attracted to his best friend.

It wouldn't probably even matter whether on not he was in love with Sirius, since Sirius couldn't be in love with him. He dated girls and was straight and would want to go back to dating girls, when he found out it wouldn't kill Remus or make him turn into a wolf in jealous rage and slaughter the poor girl during breakfast. Sirius had been amazingly kind about the mating, but what would he say when he found out it was all a deception. Would he even want to stay friends. Especially if he knew Remus was foolish enough to fall in love with him. Maybe he was going to lose all his friends and the wolf would lose his pack and if the easy transformation told anything, the wolf was really happy about Sirius too. If he was transforming alone the next time, the wolf might be really angry and take it out on him and it might actually kill him this time.

His wild thoughts were interrupted by madam Pomfrey returning to his bedside. He hadn't even noticed her being gone.

"This is the most accurate reference book on werewolves I have. I think it might have been written by a werewolf or at least someone who knows one really well. You can borrow it, but try to rest now," she said with a gentle smile.


	8. Sirius

He looked at James nervously. They had agreed he could explain, if their friends noticed anything and even though he had been keeping secrets, he couldn't lie to James. James might be angry at him, though, because they were all protective over Remus and accidental mating seemed like something they should have protected him from. However Sirius was going to be mature about it and stay with Remus now they were in this situation.

"You'd better sit," he started solemnly and continued when they had sat on the bed. "You remember the party a couple of weeks ago, when we got horribly drunk and Remus and I slept together? We are now obviously mated for life Remus being a werewolf and all. So we have been secretly together since then. We are both really happy, although we didn't mean this to happen."

Against all odds, James was laughing at him. "You idiot! You are not mated. Or at least not because of that night. You totally did not shag that night."

"Do you remember what happened? Neither of us remember anything that happened in our dorm. We just figured that us waking up together naked and you looking us strangely in the morning, must mean something happened." He was so ashamed and James still laughing didn't help.

"Oh yes. Something did happen. Something like you and Remus getting sloshed, making out during truth or dare and, when we got back to the dorm, our shy little Remus getting naked and demanding cuddles which you were more than happy to provide. You both passed out immediately and no way either of you were up to any activities. So, unless you have shagged since then, you are not mated for life."

"No we haven't. Rem... We wanted to take it slow." Sirius felt relieved. That one night of drinking had not changed the rest of their lives and Remus was not going to pine until death if they didn't work out. "But didn't you see what happened last night? Moony has never submitted to Padfoot. What even happened after I fell asleep? Did you lift Remus back to the bed after he transformed back?"

"Well, that was totally bizarre and kind of makes me believe the mating explanation. I and Wormy obviously didn't dare to sleep, in case Moony woke up and decided that sleeping with Padfoot wasn't his thing after all, but he never did wake up. Even when the moon set, he just transformed back. He didn't even wake up. It looked like Padfoot changing back to you. We were so amazed, we almost forgot that madam Pomfrey was coming to get Remus."

"That's, wow. I can't believe we found a way to make Moony a tame wolf. But what is going to happen to us if we are not mated?" Sirius asked, suddenly feeling lost and confused. Their relationship seemed to help Remus, but if he had a choice, did he want to stay with Remus just to make his transformations easier.

"Well, if you were really happy until now, why should this change anything?" James reminded what he had said earlier.

"It's just complicated and I need to think what I want. Could you just not tell Remus before I can think this trough? We obviously need to talk about this, but I don't want to hurt him unnecessarily and I just don't know what to think right now," he pleaded.

"I don't like it, but if you promise to talk to him soon, I won't tell. I don't want Remus hurt either. But you have to tell him well before the next full. We should go check in on him. Since he slept through the night, he might be awake," James said and they left.

***

Remus was avoiding him. He couldn't tell exactly how long it had been going on, since he had been avoiding Remus ever since the last full moon. They still spent time together around other people, sat next to each other in class and kept the innocent touches going. Those still made Sirius feel good and steady, but also guilty because he hadn't told Remus those weren't necessary for the nonexistent bond. That was the reason he avoided spending any time alone with Remus. He didn't know how to tell what happened on the fateful night, but couldn't face the boyfriendly aspects of their relationship before Remus knew. So he had decided to avoid Remus until he had things figured out.

He spent a lot of time with James, but never in a setting where James could bring up their discussion after the full. He avoided the library, since that was where Remus usually was. He tried to go to the dormitory so late, Remus would be asleep.

He only noticed that maybe avoiding Remus was so easy, because Remus was evading him too, when he absolutely needed a book from the library. He had to go through the divination section to dodge Remus' usual spot and saw Remus sitting there alone. Remus didn't even study divination, so he had no reason to be there.

He wondered if Remus was avoiding him, because James or Peter had told him what happened that night, but couldn't ask James, because then James would ask him why he hadn't told Remus and he didn't want to have that conversation. He needed advice, but couldn't imagine talking with James. Not about this. Normally he would have gone to Remus, but that was out of the question for obvious reasons.

He just wished none of this had ever happened and they could be friends like before. Everything was a mess. He had been dating girls, because that was expected to and they kept asking him. Sometimes he wished he looked like Peter, so they would leave him alone. He wasn't all that interested in the whole relationship thing, but now he had mixed poor Remus into the mess.

He cared for Remus probably more than anyone and enjoyed what they had, but he couldn't tell even himself what he wanted and what he couldn't give. He would do almost anything to give Remus transformations like that last one. Maybe if he stayed with Remus from the beginning, the transformation into Moony would be as painless as the one in the morning had been. But Remus deserved to be loved by someone who could give him everything.

Remus was kind and smart and wonderful. He could go and find himself a nice witch or a wizard (Sirius really should have asked if Remus was into guys) who would love him and make him and Moony happy. The thought made his insides squirm with uneasiness, probably because then Remus wouldn't have as much time for the marauders.

Remus might even be relieved when he found out they weren't mated and he could go find someone else to be happy with. Until then, it might be enough for Moony that Padfoot stayed with him the entire time. Now Sirius just needed to get Remus alone to tell him this.

Sirius needed a plan.


	9. Remus

Sirius was avoiding him. He couldn't tell exactly how long it had been going on, since he had been avoiding Sirius ever since the last full moon. They still spent time together around other people, sat next to each other in class and kept the innocent touches going. Those still made Remus feel good and steady, but also guilty because he hadn't told Sirius those weren't necessary for the nonexistent bond. That was the reason he avoided spending any time alone with Sirius. He didn't know how to tell about the mating being a myth, but couldn't face the boyfriendly aspects of their relationship before Sirius knew. So he had decided to avoid Sirius until he had things figured out.

He tried to spend as much of his time as possible with Peter, so there would be a buffer if he bumped into Sirius. He had changed his regular studying spot in the library and was now always sitting in the divination section, where Sirius would never go. He never went to the dormitory before James or Peter was there and never stayed in the common room if there weren't at least three separate groups or individuals with him.

He only noticed that maybe avoiding Sirius was so easy, because Sirius was evading him too, when he was picking a book, he had forgotten, from the dorm. Sirius had appeared and practically ran off, when he saw Remus alone in there.

He tried to figure out the reason Sirius was avoiding him. Maybe Sirius didn't want to be with him after all and tried to figure out how to let him down gently. Break-ups had never been Sirius' forte and Remus liked to think Sirius wouldn't want to hurt him unnecessarily, even if he wanted out. Maybe Sirius had noticed before him that he might have stronger feelings and was now uncomfortable, because his feelings were still friendly. Maybe Sirius had followed them under the invisibility cloak after the full and heard his discussion with madam Pomfrey. Then Sirius would know he had told her about them shagging, that the mating was a myth, that Remus might be in love with him and that Remus hadn't told him any of it for over a week. Sirius might think he was keeping it a secret just so they would stay boyfriends or just to get the easy transformation. No wonder Sirius bolted when left alone with him. He was horrible.

He just couldn't figure out what to tell Sirius. Of course the transformation was great and he would do almost anything to keep the wolf happy, now that he knew how easy it could be. However, he had realized that he actually was in love with his best friend and probably had been for quite some time. Sirius who had done so much for him, might stay together with him, just to keep the wolf happy, but he didn't want that. Even with the wolf content, his human heart couldn't bare a relationship with one sided love. He wanted Sirius to love him as much as he loved Sirius and if he couldn't have that, he wanted to have his friendship with all the marauders as they were last semester. How was he going to ask that without poor, emotionally scarred Sirius fleeing to the end of the World.

He wished he had taken the time to discuss their relationship instead of snogging Sirius every time they had any privacy. He never asked if Sirius was interested in boys or if he thought they were boyfriends. Sirius had said he liked their first kiss and the kept kissing him, so he assumed Sirius wasn't completely against physical relationship with another male, but kissing a boy must not be that different from kissing a girl.

He wanted some kind of confirmation before putting his heart on the line, but now was too late to ask.

***

Remus had a plan. On a Sunday morning he woke up the same time as James and Peter, who were going to a Quidditch practice. Luckily Sirius was a heavy sleeper and didn't even stir. He asked James and Pete to leave him and Sirius alone in the dormitory until noon, since they needed to talk. After they left, he put a letter on Sirius' bedside table and followed them out of the dorm.

He walked through the silent and empty corridors. No-one was up this early on a Sunday. He exited the castle and walked across the grounds towards the Whomping Willow. He froze the tree and slipped into the very familiar tunnel. In the shack, he sat on the bed and started his long wait. It could take hours before Sirius came to meet him. If his friend was going to show up at all.

At ten he figured Sirius might have woken up and read the letter. At least it was now too late to run back and prevent Sirius reading it.

At noon he started to expect Sirius come through the hatch any minute.

At two he started to get worried. At least Sirius' first reaction hadn't been to immediately run to him and declare his undying love, but Sirius might just need a bit of time to think about it. Remus had revealed a lot of secrets on that letter.

At four he started to think that Sirius was trying to figure out how to let him down gently. If Sirius wanted him, it wouldn't have taken several hours to decide.

At six he was still waiting. Sirius wasn't coming. Sirius actually wasn't coming to meet him. As much as Remus had told himself not to get his hopes up, he hadn't thought Sirius might not come to meet him at all. He had bared his heart and soul in that letter, Sirius wasn't coming and he had promised to never mention any of it again. How was he going to walk back to the Gryffindor tower and pretend nothing happened. Pretend that he wasn't in love with Sirius and now rejected and heartbroken. Perhaps he didn't have to pretend for long. The full moon would be in three weeks, the wolf would be more furious than ever...

Suddenly he heard the hatch of the tunnel open. His heart leapt before he saw familiar black hair to rise from the tunnel.

"What are you doing here, James?"


	10. Sirius

Sunday morning he woke up late in an empty dormitory. James and Peter were in the Quidditch practice. He had hoped to catch Remus alone, but the boy was probably in the library. He yawned and stretched and turned to take his wand from the bedside table, but instead saw a letter with his name on it in Remus' neat handwriting. He opened the envelope and pulled out a letter. He took a deep breath and started to read.

_Dear Sirius,_

_I didn't know if I could explain everything to your face, so I decided to write you a letter. Please don't hate me after you read this. We can forget any of this ever happened, but I hope we can stay friends._

_After my latest transformation, in the Hospital Wing, I talked with madam Pomfrey. I kind of told her what had happened and asked if she knew anything about the bond. I'm so sorry, I didn't ask you first if I could tell her._

_Please don't freak out, but she told me that the mating is a myth and things that we thought were the bond and the easy transformation were caused by me being in love with you. At the time, I thought it was ridiculous. You might now wonder why I didn't tell you immediately. I know I should have and I'm sorry that I didn't. You deserved to know, but I was confused and didn't know how to tell you._

_I needed time to think and come to terms with my feelings. After a while I realized that I am in love with you. There, now you know. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fall for you and I hadn't noticed it, but I did. I'm sure I will get over it soon, if you don't love me back. Please don't be uncomfortable, this doesn't have to change anything._

_However, if you do love me back or think you might someday, I would really like us to be boyfriends. If you want to. But it's fine if you don't. This month together has been great and I hope it was for you too. So thank you. And thanks for taking me on a date. I couldn't have imagined anything better._

_I guess I should also tell you I'm gay. Or at least I think I am. I didn't tell you guys, because it was just another thing that makes me different from everybody else and I wasn't attracted to anyone except you, but I didn't know that. Sorry._

_So I guess that is all I want to say and now you know everything. If you want to talk about this or anything, please meet me in the shack. James and Peter will stay out of our dorm until noon, so you'll have some time to think in private. If not, I will pretend none of this ever happened and just follow your lead. If you want to avoid me, I will keep my distance and if you want everything be like last year, then we'll do that._

_I wish you can one day forgive me._

_Love Remus_

His first instinct was to jump on his broom and never look back. He couldn't deal with this. This was about feelings and not just any feeble feelings, but fucking capital F Feelings. He couldn't handle love. He wasn't even familiar with the concept. No-one had ever told him they loved him. Even the people who were supposed to be genetically programmed to love him, hated his guts. Remus must know that, so why did he put this on him.

But Remus did know that and that was why there was an out. Written by Remus' hand, it said they could pretend none of it ever happened. Sirius could just burn the letter and head for breakfast. Remus would return eventually and everything would be back to normal. At least for him. It would probably take a while for Remus, but no-one was as good as Remus at hiding their feelings, so Sirius wouldn't even notice. In some time Remus would be over him and fall in love with a nice man. Being Remus, he would still make sure to spend enough time with the marauders.

He could almost see Remus holding hands with a friendly looking stranger. They couldn't get married or have children, because it was forbidden for werewolves, but they would move in together, do a crossword puzzle while eating breakfast and sit curled up together reading after dinner. Maybe they would take a dog. Not a large one like Padfoot, but some smaller and more gentle, that they would walk together in the park nearby. They would come together to pub-nights with James and Lily, Peter and some nice woman and Sirius, all alone, because he wasn't cut out for the relationship stuff. Wasn't that exactly what he had hoped before learning about Remus' feelings.

But Remus, who never asked anything from anyone and was eternally grateful about everything he got, had asked something from him. What kind of friend would he be, if he didn't even consider it. Instead he had planned Remus' whole life for him.

He checked the time. Remus had said he had until noon, before James and Peter might be back so he had almost two hours. Remus would probably wait him until midnight, if he didn't show up. He always got more chances than he deserved.

He tried to think what he wanted and could he be Remus' boyfriend, but images of Remus and that friendly looking stranger kept popping in his head. Them waking up together, smiling sleepily to each other. Them cooking and laughing in a sunny kitchen. Remus sitting on the sofa and playing with the stranger's hair. Them playing with the bloody dog. The stranger taking care of Remus' wounds after the full. If it was him, there wouldn't be any wounds, since Moony would be happy with Padfoot. If it was him... If it was him...

Of course he wanted to be with Remus on those scenes. The only person who could answer if Remus would be happy with what he had to offer, was Remus who was waiting for him. Sirius had folded the letter under his pillow and was running down the stairs before he finished that thought. The friendly looking stranger would have to wait, since Remus wanted him for now.

He ran through the corridors and couldn't wait to get to Remus. He rushed to a moving staircase before the other end had set to a place. Suddenly he felt something hit his back.

***

He woke up in the Hospital Wing James on the other side of his bed and, of all people, Regulus on the other.

"Remus?" he asked with a hoarse voice.

"Mum and dad are talking to Dumbledore. Peter is looking for him. We couldn't find him on... you know and no-one has seen him since this morning when he told Pete and I that you needed to talk. Did you have a fight?" James asked, looking worried.

"No. He's waiting for me in the... his place. Could you go and fetch him?"

"I can leave, if you need to talk," Regulus intervened.

"No. You'll stay, I'll go for Remus," James said and left.


	11. Remus

"Sirius is in the Hospital Wing. He told me to fetch you," James told and Remus was on his feet before he knew he had moved.

Tell me what happened," he said jumping into the tunnel after James.

"He is going to be fine. He was running somewhere and jumped on moving stairs. Snape threw a stunner to his back and he passed out. The bottom of the stairs was still moving, so he rolled off of them and fell three floors," James explained. "He has several broken bones and he was unconscious for a while, but it could have been a lot worse. They fetched Peter and I from the Quidditch pitch and floo called mum and dad. They are here now and even Regulus came to see him, but no-one could find you. Only when Sirius woke up, he told me you might be in the shack. What were you even doing there? I thought you were talking to Sirius in our dorm."

"It's not important. I gave him something to think about and asked him to meet me in there after," Remus said and even worried sick, couldn't help but wonder, if Sirius was running to him or fleeing Hogwarts.

They had reached the end of the tunnel and slipped under James' cloak so no-one saw them exit. When no-one was looking, they took the cloak off and hurried towards the Hospital Wing in silence.

As soon as he saw Sirius, he ran to hug him. "Sirius Black, you are not allowed to die on me!"

"Sorry. I keep that in mind the next time a slimy git hexes me on the back. I wanted to talk to you," Sirius said sheepishly and Remus' heart leapt.

"We'll talk when you get better," he replied, suddenly painfully aware that James, Peter, Regulus, James' parents, madam Pomfrey, professor McGonagall and headmaster Dumbledore were all standing around Sirius' bed while he still clung to Sirius. He quickly stood straight, but kept his hand on Sirius' shoulder.

"I am so glad Mr. Lupin could finally be located. I assure you, Mr. Black will be in excellent condition to have all the conversations he desires, after a few days recovering," headmaster Dumbledore said with a twinkle in his eye. "However, I wish to speak Mr. Black alone. Minerva, would you be so kind and escort Mr. and Mrs. Potter to my office, I will follow you momentarily. If If you four would go to dinner now. You may visit after, if you wish."

"Remus can stay. Sir," Sirius quickly interjected.

Headmaster Dumbledore looked at them for a moment. "As you wish."

After everyone else was gone, he continued: "The matter I wish to discuss, is Mr. Snape's punishment and perhaps this concerns Mr. Lupin as well. Mr. and Mrs. Potter demanded immediate expulsion..."

"I don't care what you do to Snape. Just make sure he keeps his mouth shut about Remus," Sirius interrupted.

"But Sirius, he could have killed you."

"And I could have killed you both on fifth year. Sir, if you want my opinion, I'll say you give him a punishment that doesn't give him the opportunity to expose Remus. He needs to finish his education and graduate with the rest of us," Sirius said solemnly and Remus couldn't help feeling proud of him.

"Very well. I will discuss this with the heads of houses and let Mr. Snape know his punishment. I am pleased to see the maturity of your decision," the headmaster replied, smiling.

"Minty," he said and a house elf appeared with a loud pop. "Please bring dinner for Mr. Black and Mr. Lupin and send tea to my office. Gentlemen, Thank you for your time. I suggest you enjoy your dinner and then Mr. Black should rest. Now is not the time for serious discussions."

"Thank you, sir," the boys replied.

After the headmaster left, Minty brought them food and madam Pomfrey came to fuss over Sirius. After she left, James and Peter came back from dinner and kept guessing what kind of punishment Snape would get. Madam Pomfrey soon hurried back to send them to Gryffindor tower for being too noisy.

"Stay," Sirius said and his heart skipped a beat.

"Fine, you may stay for a moment longer Mr. Lupin, but Mr. Black needs his rest. Here is the second dose of Skele-Gro." Madam Pomfrey gave Sirius a glass of disgusting looking potion.

After she and their friends left, they were finally alone.

"Thank you," Remus started.

"You know I would do anything for you. I'm sorry I kept you waiting."

"You were unconscious, silly. That's like the best excuse for anything."

"I keep that in mind," Sirius said with a grin that soon turned into yawn.

Remus sat next to Sirius on the bed and started to stroke his hair. "Is this ok?"

"Perfect," Sirius replied quietly.

Sirius soon fell asleep, but Remus kept petting his hair and looking his uncommonly calm face. After a while, he left his friend sleeping and went to the dormitory. It had been a long day.

***

He kept visiting Sirius in the Hospital Wing several times a day, but mostly they talked about school, since he was determined Sirius shouldn't fall behind in their NEWT year. Of course the busy Hospital Wing wasn't the place for a serious conversation anyway.

Thursday, after their lessons, the three marauders went to their dorm room. There they found one smiling Mr. Black.

"All healed and ready for mischief," he grinned and for a while all marauders were talking at the same time, welcoming him back like they hadn't seen each other in weeks.

Suddenly James raised his voice and said: "Peter, we should go to that thing." Peter only looked confused. "You know that very important thing that requires our presence elsewhere. The thing that definitely lasts all night. Won't be back until late."

He pulled still baffled looking Peter through the door. Before closing it, he said: "You two idiots should talk."


	12. Sirius

He suddenly was alone in the Hospital Wing with a brother he hadn't talked to for over a year.

"I'll leave if you don't want me here. But you could have died and I needed to see you were ok," Regulus said. Sirius hadn't seen him this close for a while and noticed he was pale and sick looking.

"No. Of course I want you here. You are my brother and I never meant to cut my ties to you. How have you been?"

Regulus smiled a bit when Sirius was talking, but then his face turned solemn again. "It has been hard. At home, you know. Mother was furious when you left and hasn't got any easier since. I don't really believe what they do any more, but I don't have any other place to go."

"You know I own uncle Alphard's place in London. You are always welcome there," Sirius comforted his brother.

"That would be great." His brother's face lit up. "I can stay at school for Christmas and Easter, but I still have one more summer before I graduate. But how about you? Are you in horrible pain?"

"Nah. Madam Pomfrey gave me some mean potion. Can't really feel a thing," Sirius grinned.

The doors opened and Peter walked in. "I saw on the map James and Remus heading this way. How are you?"

Honestly, there was no subtlety in that boy. Luckily Regulus was still beaming at him and didn't seem to have noticed Peter's slip.

"Peter, I'm fine. You remember my younger, less handsome brother Regulus," he said, bringing the attention on his brother to prevent any other spilled secrets.

The doors opened again and Mr. and Mrs. Potter arrived with professors McGonagall and Dumbledore. Mrs. Potter started to fuss over him and soon madam Pomfrey accompanied her. He tried to ignore all the fuss around him. Finally the doors opened one more time and Remus ran to him.

"Sirius Black, you are not allowed to die on me!" his friend exclaimed and hugged him.

He could hardly think with Remus so close to him. "Sorry. I keep that in mind the next time a slimy git hexes me on the back. I wanted to talk to you." At least he could let Remus know, he wasn't running away.

"We'll talk when you get better," Remus replied and quickly stood up, but kept his hand on Sirius' shoulder. Remus' touch still felt as good as ever.

He had expected that headmaster Dumbledore would want to talk to him about Snape's punishment. His only concern was to make sure, Remus would be okay. Somehow his rivalry with the Slytherin seemed petty and childish.

He couldn't concentrate on anything that happened around him. He just wanted them all to leave, so he could talk to Remus and when they did, he was so tired and overwhelmed, he couldn't get a word out.

"Thank you," Remus luckily started.

"You know I would do anything for you. I'm sorry I kept you waiting," was all he could offer at the moment.

He was glad when Remus turned the conversation into lighter direction and even more so, when he climbed on the bed with him. He finally felt safe enough to fall asleep. It had been a long day.

***

He was bored out of his mind. He wasn't allowed to leave his bed, madam Pomfrey kept fussing over him and Remus had taken a role of his personal tutor. He thought that after falling three floors and breaking several bones, he should be relieved of homework, but still appreciated Remus' help.

The rare moments he got left in peace, he kept thinking of Remus. He was confident he could do it. They had been friends for six years and knew each other really well. He could tell Remus anything and Remus wouldn't make fun of him. If he couldn't tell Remus, who could he ever talk to.

On Thursday, he couldn't take it anymore and right after waking up, started to beg to be let out of the Hospital Wing. After lunch, madam Pomfrey finally let him go after a final check up.

He went to the Gryffindor tower and waited anxiously for his friends to arrive. Finally they did and for a moment everyone was talking at once. Then James, very unsubtly took Peter away and said: "You two idiots should talk."

He could do it. He just needed to take a deep breath, open his mouth and say something. It was just Remus. Remus would understand. He just needed to say something. He absolutely could do it. He couldn't do it. He couldn't breathe. The edges of the room started to look blurry. Why couldn't he breathe. Was he dying. He should be able to breathe. He should say something. Remus was waiting. He couldn't. Could not.

Suddenly he managed to get out of his frozen state. He jumped on his bed, pulled the curtains shut and let his panic dissolve into Padfoot's more simple feelings.


	13. Remus

First Sirius looked like he was going to say something. Then he could see Sirius' thoughts turn into panic-mode and Sirius seemed to have trouble breathing.

"Sirius. Sirius, please. I'm sorry. We don't have to do this," he tried, but didn't dare to touch his friend. Sirius didn't even seem to notice him.

Suddenly Sirius bolted to his bed and pulled the curtains. Remus sat on his own bed to give Sirius a moment to calm himself. Maybe he should have just told Sirius that they weren't mated and they should go back to being just friends, instead of upsetting Sirius with his feelings. Why did he have to write that stupid letter. All of this was his fault, so he had to fix it. He set the strongest locking charm he knew to the door, so no-one could walk in on them.

"Sirius, may I come in?" he said through the curtains. All he got was a little whine from Padfoot that he decided to take as a yes. He opened the curtains slightly and asked again from Padfoot that was curled on the end of the bed. Padfoot nodded, so he climbed on the bed and sat on the other end.

"I'll just sit here and read, if that's ok. Please change back whenever you are ready. We don't need to talk of anything that makes you uncomfortable," he said and opened his book, not wanting to stare at Padfoot. Soon he felt Padfoot moving closer and pushing his head under his hand. He idly scratched Padfoot's ears and read his book for a while longer.

"I'm really sorry I made you upset. We really don't need to talk about anything. I locked the door, so no-one can come in. It's just us here," he said in a quiet voice.

He felt the dog change into a boy under his hand. Sirius was laying next to him, head resting on his thigh and facing away.

"Not your fault. I wanted, but couldn't."

"You wanted to talk?" Remus confirmed and Sirius nodded. Maybe they could do this, if Sirius didn't need to say anything.

"Did you want to talk about my letter?" he asked and Sirius nodded.

"Did something about it make you upset?"

Sirius shrugged.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you we weren't mated."

"Not that. James told me we didn't... We only slept that night. So I knew and didn't tell you either," Sirius explained and Remus felt relieved.

"That's good then. Right? I mean I would like to remember my first time. And now I know it doesn't have to mean forever. Was it me being gay?" he asked timidly, but Sirius shook his head and Remus sighed.

He almost missed Sirius' whisper: "Feelings."

Shit. Of course it was that. He had never hated Sirius' parents more. "I'm sorry. I know it was a lot, but it doesn't have to be a big deal. I have loved you as a friend for years. Now it's just a little more. You don't have to be afraid of people loving you. I'm sure James and Peter and James' parents love you too, and even Regulus."

"I don't know if I can love you back," Sirius said and Remus cursed internally. He had fucked up everything.

"I didn't ask that. Or at least I didn't mean to. I'm sorry. I really don't know how to do any of this. But thanks for telling me what's wrong. I guess I just tried to tell you that if you wanted to be together, I wanted us to be boyfriends, like a real relationship. Not just friends that occasionally snog in secret. I kept thinking you wanted to also date girls and I wouldn't like that," he tried to explain. Why did everything have to be this hard.

"I don't want to date girls. They keep asking," Sirius said a little louder and Remus was glad Sirius couldn't see his astonished face. Really quietly Sirius added: "I don't know if I can... Boyfriends... Everything..."

"If being boyfriends meant that we kept being like we already were before, would you like to try it?" A nod.

"Did we do anything you didn't like?" A shake.

Well, that was something. He was glad they were getting somewhere. He felt really sorry for his friend. As madam Pomfrey had said, many wizards lacked information and Sirius really hadn't had any models of healthy relationships growing up. He couldn't imagine cold and distant Orion Black sitting down with his sons and explain things like Lyall had done with him.

"Do you want to keep it a secret?" A shrug. "Are you embarrassed by being with a boy?" A shake. "A werewolf?" A violent shake. "Do you want to keep it a secret for now, so your family can't cause any trouble before we graduate?" A nod. "Could we tell James and Peter now? I'm sure they wont tell." A nod. "So are you fine, if we would date in secret until we leave school and then be a bit more open about it?" A nod.

So Sirius wasn't against a relationship and he didn't even mind a public relationship with a gay werewolf which was more than Remus had ever hoped with anyone. They had kissed and snogged and after being dormmates for six years and him being a werewolf, they had seen each other naked several times. They had shared a bed plenty of times and that last time even naked, although according to James, nothing else happened. Oh.

"Is it sex?" he blurted. Apparently no need to sugarcoat it. Sirius froze for a second and... Was it a nod or a shrug. Whatever it was, that must be the issue.

"Don't you want to... With me?" A shrug. "With any male?" Still a shrug. "Anyone?" First nothing and then a small nod. "So right now you are not interested in sex with anyone?" A nod. Sirius seemed to be holding his breath. He was curious what had happened with Sophia, but now wasn't the time to ask.

"That's fine. I don't mind. Is there anything else you are worried about?" Sirius started to breathe again and shook his head.

"Would you look at me?" he asked and waited for Sirius to sit up facing him. "If we decide to start a relationship, we can make our own rules. We won't do anything we don't both want to. I don't claim I know any better than you do, how to make this work, but we'll just have to talk to each other even when it's hard. What I am sure of, is that we can stay friends, even if this doesn't work out. So. What do you want?"

He hoped Sirius would find words to reply with. As much as he wanted to help Sirius tell the things he couldn't find words to, it felt more like an interrogation than an honest discussion of their feelings. He really needed some words to let him know they were in this together. Or weren't. But he couldn't do everything by himself.

"I want... I want us to be boyfriends. But like we were before," Sirius replied and then they were both grinning. Very quickly their previous tension turned it into hysterical giggles that neither of them seemed to be able to stop.

"I think I need to rest now, but would you stay?" Sirius asked, when they finally calmed down.

"I'll go and see, if James and Peter are in the common room and let them know we are done. Otherwise, James might keep poor Peter there the whole night," he replied and thought Sirius might fall asleep before he got back. Now that Sirius was all relaxed, he looked exhausted.

"All good?" James asked when he got downstairs.

"Yeah. Sirius needs to rest though, so please be quiet when you come up."

As he had expected, Sirius was already asleep when he got back to the dorm. He didn't want to disturb, but as promised, climbed into the bed with Sirius.

"Good night, boyfriend," he couldn't help but whisper.

"Good night, boyfriend," Sirius slurred back.


	14. Sirius: Epilogue

All in all, Sirius' autumn had been great. Being Remus' boyfriend was the best thing ever and he often wondered why he had wasted so much time dating girls. Remus never complained about the time he spent with his friends, they shared a dorm so they could share a bed and he got to see Remus last thing every night and first thing every morning. He often spent time in the library and occasionally did his homework (instead of entertaining/bothering Remus), so he got less detentions of not doing his homework which left him more time with Remus. Everyone should date their best friend (the one that wasn't like a brother - yuck, kissing James), because they already knew everything about you and that made things so much easier.

However, the best thing was something so completely Remus that he couldn't quite pinpoint what it was. Everything about Remus just made him feel... something. Everything was better because of Remus.

December full moon landed on Christmas Day. He and Remus had decided to stay at Hogwarts, so Padfoot could keep company to Moony. After easy transformations and Moony sleeping through the night next to Padfoot in October and November, James had agreed to leave them alone and went to visit his and Lily's parents for the holidays. Peter also went home, so they had the dormitory for themselves. They ate Christmas dinner with Regulus on Christmas Eve and had told him, they would floo to visit Remus' parents on Christmas Day. Although Regulus had spent a lot of time with him and the other marauders, they weren't going to share any of their secrets with him yet.

They were sitting on the Gryffindor table in nearly empty Great Hall with Regulus, eating Christmas Eve dinner.

"Christmas in Hogwarts is so much better than Grimmauld place. I should have done this every year," Regulus said, scooping all kinds of delicacies on his plate.

"Yup. But Christmas in our place is going to be even better. If you are going to live with me and Remus for the summer, you should totally come for the holidays too, instead of staying here alone. It is going to be epic!" Sirius stopped his planning for a while, because his boyfriend seemed to be chocking on his turkey. "You okay?"

"We are going to live together?" Remus gagged, tears in his eyes.

"Well, I told you could move in to uncle Alphard's place after we graduate, so you don't have to live with your parents. That was like ages ago. James and Peter might live there too. You know the place is huge. Plenty of room for everyone," he explained, a bit confused about Remus' reaction.

"Oh, roommates. Yeah. We talked about that," Remus replied, still looking funny. Sirius didn't understand what was going on and Regulus watched them looking amused. He sometimes couldn't understand what was going on in his boyfriends head. Oh shit. They hadn't talked about it after they started dating.

"Um. Yeah. We should talk about that later," Sirius said sheepishly.

"Oh, don't mind me. What's Christmas without little family drama? A lot worse has happened than my idiot brother forgetting to ask his boyfriend to move in with him, before starting to invite people to their Christmas party. I'm pretty sure Remus isn't going to use any Unforgivables," Regulus said laughing. Remus just looked at him with the same horrified expression Sirius could feel on his own face.

"Don't worry. I'm happy for you and wouldn't tell anyone. You just are so obviously in love it's kind of difficult to miss after I have spent so much time with you," Regulus continued, smiling.

"We are just trying to be discreet until we graduate. We are really happy though. And I'm glad you are okay with it," Sirius replied with a smile. Maybe he could keep a part of his biological family after all.

***

"So. Reg knows. Are you ok?" he asked when they got back to the dorm.

"Yeah. He is your brother. I'm sure he doesn't wish us any harm," Remus replied tiredly. Sirius didn't think it was very good reasoning, since all of his other relatives absolutely wished them all sorts of harm.

"You want to go to bed?" Although the transformations had been really easy, Remus was still exhausted before.

Remus nodded and they quickly got ready for bed. They nestled together in Remus' bed. Sirius found it infinitely better than his own.

"Do you want to move in with me after we graduate?" Sirius had to ask. He was a bit nervous, because you never knew with Remus.

"Of course. But we need to tell Regulus and anyone else about me first. They might not want to live with a werewolf."

"If anyone has a problem with you, they are not welcome. Our place is not for any bigot, brother or not."

"I love you," Remus replied, smiling half asleep.

"I love you too," Sirius said surprising even himself.

"You've never said it back," Remus mumbled against his chest.

"But I meant it. Good night, love."

Remus was already asleep. Sirius tucked him a little closer and closed his eyes.


End file.
